Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Sadness and tears

Today has been one of those days that I wish the alarm clock never went off.  Ever have those days??  I woke at 4:30am (over an hour earlier than my scheduled alarm time) and my eyes flew open at the realization that Luke has been complaining of chest pains lately.  I immediately started praying for peace and guidance.  For those of you who don't know, Jorden has had two heart surgeries so chest pains cause me to want to throw up.

I finally was able to doze off again and then Barry's alarm woke me.  I told him that I was concerned about Luke.  He told me to take him to the doctor today.  I got out of bed, got all three kids off to school, and called for an appointment time.  Thankfully, I was able to secure a morning appointment.

I was naseous about the appointment and sad because I really wanted to see Dr. Twining.  I miss him so much.  I dreaded this day...the day I would need him, but couldn't talk to him.  As I was checking in with the wonderful woman who I adore (we have become friends) I noticed a picture hanging of Dr. Twining with a memorial plaque under it.  Tears.....I didn't expect to look up and see him. 

The doctor we saw was very nice, but she's not Dr. Twining.  She gave Luke a thorough exam and pronounced his heart healthy and wonderful.  For this I am super thankful!!  She talked to him for a long time and reassured him that he was healthy. 

As we got into the car, my sweet Luke started to cry.  He said he missed his Dr. Twining so much and wished he could see him.  We sat in the car and cried together.

I dropped him off at school and decided to go to Walgreens because I didn't want to go home to an empty, quiet house.  I browsed around and picked up a few items.  As I was checking out, my phone chimed that I had an email.  I looked down and it was a stinger of an email.  My feelings were already feeling bruised....

I came home and turned on my computer and across the top of the screen it said, "3 people have unfriended you".  All I could do was laugh....not happy - ha, ha laughs - but pathetic laughs.   It turned out that it was an advertisement for something I could buy so I would know when I had been unfriended.  Seriously, who wants to know?!?

I think I'll go read "Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day".  After that, I will need to pick my feelings up off the floor and realize that I was given great news about Luke's heart.  What a wonderful gift. 

Yes, death is hard.  Yes, people don't always give the benefit of the doubt and assume things about you.  But at the end of today, I will have a wonderful family and a Jesus who loves me even when I am on the floor crying.  For that, I am truly grateful.