Saturday, December 8, 2012

Enough is enough

I struggle with mean, passive aggressive people.  I have such a hard time putting my foot down and not allowing mistreatment.

My husband and children say it's because I'm so nice.  I'm not sure that's it though.  I hate conflict and will avoid it at all costs.  I'm realizing that's not a good thing.

I am realizing that God doesn't want me to be mistreated.  He doesn't want anyone to be mistreated for that matter.  I would justify my "niceness" by telling myself that I have to be "nice" so people will see Jesus in me.  In reality, I was hiding behind Him rather than knowing my worth in Him and standing up for myself. 

I think God places us in situations over and over again until we grow.  His desire is not to hurt us, but to strengthen us and grow us towards Him. 

I have found myself in situations lately where people are nasty to me.  In one particular situation, I walked away mad at myself because a woman was very rude to me and I didn't take up for myself. 

I am going to be honest here.  I woke really upset this morning because there is someone in my life who I have struggled with for a very long time.  It has always been on my shoulders to take care of this person and make sure everything is right.  I have to organize everything and take control of everything.  If I don't say the perfect thing, feelings are hurt.  The pressure is outrageous.  I am tired of this.  I have tried for a very long time to work through this so that some sort of relationship can be maintained.  I have prayed, cried, and yelled.  God has shown me numerous revelations through Scripture, but my guilt over not being perfect to this person has prevailed.  It hit me this morning, why am I striving to please this person?  Why do I constantly let this person break me?  Because this person is supposed to love me unconditionally.  In reality, this person doesn't. 

I can't believe it is ok with God to be treated this way.  I have to believe He did not create me to be someone's punching bag.  It's not love for God, myself, or the other person if I am an enabler of mistreatment.   

I used to believe that being nice was the Christian thing to do.  But is it?  Am I showing anyone Jesus by allowing mistreatment?  I certainly don't believe we should be mean to people.  However, I'm starting to see that standing up for ourselves and others is actually a good thing.  It's funny, if I see someone being mistreated, I will do something without rolling it around in my mind.  Why is it different when we are mistreated?  Aren't we worth taking up for?

As I sat angry and upset this morning, I kept thinking of Matthew 21:12-13.  Jesus did not sit by when He saw people misusing the Temple.  He became angry.  He was not mean or hateful, but He stood up for what He knew was right.  

My prayer is that I will step out of my self perserving comfort and stand up for myself.  I pray that I stop being afraid of people's reactions to me and do the right thing.  

Luke 12:12
For the Holy Spirit will teach you at that very hour what must be said.