Thursday, October 23, 2014

Phew...It's not about us

I have people in my life that just aren't very nice.  One minute they are friendly, and the next minute they are ouchy.  I refer to them in this way because when I walk away from them, I feel like I've been a big angry horse.

Can you relate??

Unfortunately, I can't extinguish these people from my life.  My family and I would have to move far, far away. 

Does anyone come to mind as you read this?  It's not a nice warm fuzzy feeling, is it?

When I think about these people, I can get grumpy.  My mood can literally be affected. 

I've been thinking about this a great deal lately.  My husband and I were talking about it the other night and discussing how people that are mean, passive aggressive, and selfish make those around them feel so dirty.  The people on the receiving end can walk away feeling so wounded and frustrated. 

We also discussed that the people are just not joyful people. How truly sad-

A dear friend and I got onto the subject today and really dug deep into it.  We decided that those people, and people like them, aren't really being mean to us.  Their hearts are suffocating in pain.  Nobody chooses to be mean.  They become that way because they have held on to hurts, insecurities, worth issues, traumas, etc. 

So often, people {me included!} look in a mirror rather than looking at the other person.  We feel the rejection and the sting and take it personally.  We focus on how it makes us feel rather than how the other person feels.

I am not saying we should ever allow ourselves to be treated badly.  I fully believe we should take up for ourselves.  Often times, that means stepping away from the situation.  If we must be around the person, we can excuse ourselves to a different area. 

As my friend and I were talking, I felt a big weight being lifted off of my shoulders.  While it doesn't feel nice to be around mean or passive aggressive people, it is not about ME or YOU.  It is totally about the people acting out.  It is about their feelings of pain, unworthiness, loneliness, etc.

This totally changed the game for me.  Yes, I have heard this many, many, many times before.  However, I had let my heart forget.  I held up a mirror and only recognized my hurts.  Shame on me.

When I consider the pain that weighs hearts down, it makes me ache for the people that often cause me to want to kick a wall.  My focus has changed and I can now realize that they need a good dose of Jesus.  They need to be reminded {or shown for the first time} that they are loved by a King.  He longs to carry their burdens and fill their hearts with His love.  He longs to show them the freedom that comes with His worth, not the world's hurts.

So....I am committing to pray for my ouchies.  The next time I have an ugly thought about them or cringe when I see them, I will immediately go to God.  I will pray for them to experience His peace and redemption.  I will pray that they fully trust in Him to take their hurts and live lives that honor Him.

I'm certain - because I'm human - that I will not be perfect at this.  Thankfully, Jesus doesn't want perfection.  He wants effort and He wants my heart to be focused on Him.  May He convict me every time my thoughts are negative and inwardly focused.