Friday, January 23, 2015

The wound of my heart

I woke this morning feeling off.  At first, I couldn't tell what was wrong.  I went through a mental checklist-
  • Our family is safe and healthy.
  • I'm not angry or upset with anyone or {to my knowledge} is anyone angry or upset with me.
  • My husband and I are in a great place.
  • Our kids' hearts are peaceful - nothing is nagging at them that requires my mama heart to feel weighted down.
I could not put my finger on my sad heart...

until I sat to work on my Bible study.  I asked God to reveal to me what in the world was causing my heart to feel like it wanted to burst with tears.

I realized {thank you Lord} that my heart was feeling sad about my biological father.  There are times my heart will ache for the love he never offered me. 

It has been almost a year since he died and every once in a while I will get a jolt of the reality of it.  You see, I NEVER once heard the words I love you or I'm proud of you.  I never knew what it was like to be a daddy's girl or feel like a princess.

Please don't feel sorry for me or pity me.  I certainly don't.

The reality is that it hurts sometimes, but it doesn't define me.  I have come to fully know that God adores me and I am worthy and beautiful because of His love.  His love and my worth are not dependent upon human love.  The lack of my earthly father's love has no bearing on the love from my forever Father.  Just because my father could not, would not, or whatever not share love with me doesn't mean that I am less than what God created me to be.  All I have to do is open my eyes each morning and look around to see how much He loves me.

I don't share this with all of you so that you can think I'm brave, amazing, godly, or whatever title some may say.  I am human and have faults just like everyone else whom God created.

I share my heart with you in hopes that you, too, will know that you are loved by God no matter what your story is.  Yes, we may feel down and weary sometimes but God's love is more powerful and all encompassing than our wounded hearts.  Human actions and rejections are extremely powerful, but I have good news.  God's love and opinion trump all human power.  He gets the final say - and He says we are worthy and loved.  We were created specifically so that He could love all over us and spend eternity showing us how special we are. 

If your heart has wounds, let the above paragraph speak to it.  Allow God to trump all of those hurts and hold you.  Life - people - can kick us and knock us down, but God can pull us up and cause us to walk with a spring in our step and a love song on our hearts.  Let Him pick you up, sweet one. He is holding out His hand ready to dance with you.